It seems impossible to imagine a thousand years.

Hello all. I don't know who is reading this, well technically I do, I doubt a stranger would be reading this, I'm just not sure which person I know is reading this now, or whenever, well who ever you are, I hope you are having a good day.

First off. I am in London. Yes, London. And I am freaking out. This place is seriously terrifying. I have been here for roughly 4 hours and have done nothing, but still, freaking out. The shear size that you feel whilst here is enough, now add a few million stupidly busy people and this feeling that you really, are not wanted. There's more, but thats the gist. I've been looking forward to London, and now that I'm actually here, I don't think I want to be. It doesn't help that this place is practically bursting with people, for it's Easter, you see. I have a couple nights booked, after that I'm pretty sure I'd be moving to a different hostel every night or spending a hundred quid on a hotel room. So, my plan is try and arrange a flight out of here, or catch a ride through the chunnel and head to france. That plan sits better with my head and heart. Also, things are stupidly exspensive here. And that is not good.

I want to do this right, of all the cities I want to go to, I want to make sure that London is done right and I truely enjoy it. That means that I will have to go and come back on this current trip, or make a special trip just to London, when I have more money and an actual plan, London is not very drifter friendly. So, I will spend the rest of the night doing not much of anything, I just got very trierd, and then try and cram some very touristy things in tomorrow, and figure out the best way to get across the english channel. So thats my plan thus far, I think it will work out.

I was in windsor last night and this morning. I went to Windsor Castle for no other reason that it being there. It was pretty cool. I have seen a lot of castles, but this was a little different. The only reason why I mention this is because of what happened on the walk to the castle.

I was on this foot path they call the long walk, which goes from the castle to this quintesential man on horse statue (suprisingly this was the first one I saw the entire time over here, and it was probably a mile or more away). Anyways, I was in an odd mood, and for some reason I felt like making myself feel small. I do this sometimes when I feel overwhelmed, it makes my problems seem less problematic. But, it went a little bit to far, I had what would probably be described as an agrophobic attack and felt helplessly lost, alone and insignifcant. I was dizzy, short of breath and didn't how to make it stop, and for awhile (it was probably no more than a few moments but time seemed to stretch out, as it often does) I didn't think it would. Then I started thinking that there are people out there, no matter how close or far they may be, that honestly care about me, it sounds selfish, but it helped calm me down and ground me enough to get my head back. Does this happen to anyone else, how do you deal with it?

Anyways.

A few things that have been a fairly sizable portion of my life came to a close in the past few days. I finished the dark tower series, and finally watched the last episode of the show with zefrank. They sound trivial, but they were fairly important to me. I almost cried when certain go the clearing at the end of the path in the dark tower, and was welling up pretty good when ze said his simple but heart felt goodbye. It's weird I know, but it's the weird things that make us who we are.

I read Life After God by Douglas Coupland in two sitting today and yesterday. It was...incredible, and endlessly hard to describe and place. You should read it, all of you, it could change your life. Really.

I was going to buy and read the Book Thief today, but I ran out of time and everywhere was closed before I got my head straight(ish). So I think I'm going to maybe buy a magazine or read Shampoo Planet by Mr. Coupland tonight. He's a good and quick read, makes you think too. Probably what I need right now.

I don't know if there is anything else to say...have a good easter I suppose, if I don't a chance to wish you one before those days.

Just this.

Close your eyes, now or sometime, and keep them closed. Keep them closed for as long as it takes to convince yourself that you are in fact blind. If you can't do that, just keep them closed long enough to forgot what you were looking, move from where you were if you have to. Then...open them. Open them as if you were seeing for the first time, take in the colours, the magic, the life that is around, drink it in, the feeling may only last a moment, maybe less, but it will be there, have this moment carry through your day, remember the magic of opening your seeminly for the first time.